Languishing: A Name for What We Are Feeling During The Pandemic
And the things we can do about it
After one year of pandemic, there were many days that I could not honestly identify what I’m feeling at that moment, and I was feeling stuck at some point.
I was still healthy and very grateful about that, but still, I was not excited about the coming days. I was constantly having trouble concentrating. I lost sense of time, and it felt as if I’m muddling through my days. I was caught by the sense of emptiness whatever I was up to. Does it sound familiar?
I couldn’t say it was depression, though, because I was still able to work all day, meaning that I had energy and there was still hope. But why was I still feeling so empty? The more I lack identification of what I was feeling, the more I was getting anxious.
In the previous days, psychologist Adam Grant mentioned a common feeling we experienced during pandemic times in his column, which is called languishing. Before coming to what is languishing and what we can do about it, let’s look at why it is essential to name the feelings.
Neuroscientist Lisa Feldman Barrett states that one of the best strategies to cope with what we feel is to name them.
She says our emotions are not built in our brains at birth. They are the predictions of our brains. Predictions are the way our brains work. Its predictions ultimately become emotions we experience and the expressions we perceive in other people.
In this case, our brains do not actually react to the world. Our brains predict and construct our experience of the world by using our past experiences.
Those predictions link the sensations in our body that give us simple feelings such as calmness, excitement, discomfort with what’s going on around us in the world so that we know what to do.
Whenever we experience sensations such as discomfort, sadness, and wretchedness in our body, our brain tries to explain what caused those sensations and predict to find an explanation: its process of constructing emotions.
Her point is that since our brain constructs our emotions if we can teach our brain to label the feelings more precisely, it can help us to take the most appropriate actions.
Imagine that you have only two states of mind: Happy or angry. That means you don’t give much chance to your brain for perceiving and predicting the emotions. Therefore it will not be that much flexible in its responses.
Now let’s come back to the common feeling that psychologist Adam Grant mentioned in the previous days.
Yes, that wasn’t quite an issue so far, but it has become the most dominant state of mind in our lives with the pandemic.
Grant defines this notion as “the neglected middle child of mental health, and he says it can dull your motivation and focus. It is a sense of emptiness.
It’s actually relieving that there is a definition for our current emotions other than depression. However, it is still close to depression rather than flourishing. That means we need to be careful about it.
The dangerous part of languishing is that you may not really notice that you are slipping slowly into the dulling of delight and motivation. You feel something, but you actually don’t see, and thus it’s also difficult to ask for help when you can’t see your own suffering.
What Can We Do About It?
In his article, Adam Grant says they think about mental health on a spectrum from depression to flourishing in psychology; languishing is the absence of well-being, which means that flourishing is the peak of well-being. It is the level of people are ultimately after.
The good news is that some practical activities that can lead to a marked improvement in overall well-being.
Be in the flow
Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, who is the first to identify and research flow, suggests cultivating flow that is being in the state of total engagement in an activity that nothing else seems to matter.
“The best moments in our lives are not the passive, receptive, relaxing times . . . The best moments usually occur if a person’s body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile.”
— Csikszentmihalyi, 1990
That actually explains why we intuitively seek out flow activities such as baking bread, doing puzzles and painting, etc. All these activities have something in common as well. They challenge us the right amount, meaning that not too easy or not too hard, and they allow us to track our progress toward a specific goal. Because finding something excites you and focusing on goals can help boost your energy and enthusiasm. That’s why it is one of the critical things to flourishing.
Setting boundaries also helps a lot. That leads us to the next topic.
Reserve Yourself Uninterrupted Time
If you think about your life for some time, you will notice that your days are actually a torrent of interruptions. Some of us are already aware of this situation and working on it. But many of us realized the importance of flow during pandemic times. And it actually arose from the need of it.
In quarantine, many of us needed flow states more than any other time. And that is even more difficult than ever to have. Because many of us are working from home and there are so many things that can distract us. For parents, the situation is even more complicated.
But interruptions are the biggest enemy of being in the flow. As I mentioned in my previous writing, interruptions keep us away from completing what we are doing, and not completing the things can demotivate and dissatisfy us. In the end, we don’t see any progress, even in small things. Yet, the sense of progress is a key factor in daily joy and motivation.
Celebrate Small Things
After a series of zoom birthday parties, virtual happy hours, and gatherings, we all realized the meaning of celebrating small things, hugging our beloved ones in person, and appreciating the moments we have.
Psychologists call this situation “savoring.” Savoring is about appreciating an event or activity at the moment, celebrating small things, and noticing the good things around you.
Research shows it’s not just the big occasions. You also benefit when you savor experiences such as spending time in a warm bath, having a day with your beloved ones, or taking a walk in the woods.
Conclusion
We still have a lot to learn about the causes of languishing but considering Prof. Barret’s statement, naming it is an important step.
And remember that it is a common and shared feeling. Many people are experiencing at least a lack of interest, just like you. Even though we have so much to be thankful for, sometimes we can’t help feeling this way. And that is ok. Do not blame yourself for this feeling.
Also, remember what Prof. Barret’s saying: Be aware of what you are feeling and practice your emotional granularity. By doing so, you can master your emotions is to categorize how you feel.
